Easy to please

So, Avatar, lets talk this through. One of the most anticipated films ever turned out to be boring.

Yeah I said it, I should be getting struck by lightning any time now, I’m due for it. Well it started off like a really poor TV movie, the government officials who basically let the main character have the opportunity to take control of one of their mega budget Avatar’s (like a genetically created version of one of those blue Cat/Native American things) with literally no training whatsoever, were terrible actors, i hesitate to use the term actor but if Keanu Reeves dares to have it on his passport then i think its ok.

There weren’t any huge gaping chasm-like plot holes but it was far from the tightest script I was expecting from ‘the greatest cinema experience ever’ that I’m sure I read some twat of a critic of Newsnightian proportions spouting somewhere or other. I’ll pick up a couple of points that were not sold to me in any way, shape, or form. Like i wrote earlier, the main character was given free reign to stroll around in a million dollar or billion dollar (I don’t recall and don’t care either) genetically created super-being with no training to speak of, the main chap even states this in the film to the cliched i-hate-the-military scientist. Now we are also told that his twin brother, who was initially lined up for this, had a PHD and had been training for years carry out whatever task they needed doing while dressed up like a basketball playing blue cat. We are also informed that to get to the thoughtlessly named Pandora you need to be in stasis for god knows how long, so why wouldn’t you use the time wasted in stasis to train the guy with the unexplained Australian accent ? Seriously why ? That’s just confusing.

Then there is the Navi themselves (Navi as in Natives ? wow way to go Cameron really knocking it out of the park there) they are just ‘Red Indians‘. I heard it was Dances with wolves – in space and it is, it really is. Shockingly shit concept, they even wore loin clothes, used bow’s and arrow’s, rode around on horse like steeds, and worshiped ‘mother earth’ but they called some other name i cant recall right now, it was no doubt so badly conceived my brain refused to copy and paste somewhere in there. To add insult to further insult on top of my shit smeared injuries they then used Wes Studi as the voice of the leader of the Blue Indian cat folk. He’s that guy with a really bad complexion who always plays a native in a loin cloth who happens to be in a position of responsibility, and he’s in Heat (If you’ve never seen Heat get the fuck off my blog). Fine enough casting that shows literally fuck all imagination. But seriously the Navi are so badly conceived my brain refused to cope and i went for a shit and sat on the toilet for a good 10 minutes playing pinball on my phone.

I really can’t be arsed to get any further in without spoiling it for anyone who wants to see it, but my endorsement is that its as worth seeing as any other big budget affair but its not a great movie by any stretch of the imagination. There are so many great things out there to waste my time on but this isn’t one of them.

Also, I saw it in 3D. It was the best use of the format I’ve seen so far but its still nothing worth getting excited about.

Regarding my thoughts on film making, I think it’s universally recognized that the script needs to be the strongest part of the movie. If you start with a poor script then no matter how much money you throw at a film it’s just not gonna get any better. And that’s the case with this. I’m in the minority on this I know, but if more people felt like me the movie business would cost less and the quality would be much higher.

Oh yeah and I mistook a girl for a guy this weekend and called her mate, and then told a woman who was trying to make small talk with me that I have never seen her before in my life. So on the old social graces front i scored low.

Peace out.

Destroyer Max